I was elated to be given this opportunity and wonderful platform to share about the Hug I gave my Mum and have it documented down in a post While writing this, I actually got to relive the moment again and I am thankful for that as it was the Hug that changed my entire life.
It all started on the very night 20 Aug 2013. I wrote this small little post that I very much wanted to share with Swish 26 cus” it was good progress! Here’s what I posted, word for word.
“This is a little out of context. But I really wanted to share this with Swish 26 who has been with mi on this journey all this while:) Every now and then, I have someone showing mi concern and asking how are things getting on between my mummy and myself. Today marked another milestone for us♥ As some of you might have known, i was affected by an incident that happened back when i was 13. Which was why i detached and drifted apart from my mum. (P.S my mum wasn’t at fault). Anw, as I was saying, today while having our dinner, I have no idea how but the scar that was deeply etched within mi all these years just disappeared. YES!! Like Swish! It’s just gone!:) It took mi quite a while but I am still glad i have let go of the past we have yet to hug but I know the day will come:)”
Was rather hesitant before I clicked on the post button cus” it seems somewhat incomplete without the Hug that I have always wanted to give my mum. But I thought in any case, it’s still a progress worth sharing. So I posted.
Shortly after, came my 4th belief test by my dearest Lifetime coach Cayden. So this was what he commented.
Needless to say, I was overwhelmed! Like TOMORROW?!! My mind went wild. I went through the fundamental formula of NLP repeatedly in my head and told myself E+R=O. Then I recalled all the Belief tests I have been through before, I have faith this could be done and I knew Cayden must have his reason for putting me through this Belief Test. To be really frank, I did not sleep well that very night.
- I really wanted to do this deep in my heart. I know if Cayden hasn’t put me through the belief test, it would have taken me probably another couple of months or even years to do so. So I keep telling myself NOW is the time and opportunity to do it. I know I will regret for the rest of my life if I do not do this and I would probably not have the courage to do it anymore.
- I was worried I couldn’t catch my Mum in time. Due to our work schedules, we hardly see each other unless we are both on off coincidentally.
- I was trying to figure out how to ‘execute the hug’. It sounds hilarious but I used the word execute as I was really thinking of HOW to go about hugging her. [Even details like the angle I should approach her, do I place my hands around her waist or her neck?] It was only then that I realized I haven’t hug my mum before! An Asian being an Asian, we were never taught to be so expressive when it comes to our parents. I could do it so naturally with my fiancé and friends I can’t believe I was having so much difficulty hugging someone I loved so much deep down! That very night, I keep visualizing myself hugging my mum and wonder how it will turn out and how she will react to it. On the other hand, I keep calming myself down and told myself it will all turn out well.
Anyway, that day came. I could remember so vividly it was 21 Aug 2013. I woke up at 6am in the morning. What surprised me was I didn’t even need the alarm [I was never a morning person]. My Mum wasn’t awake yet. See what I meant, I didn’t even have any idea what time my Mum wakes up each day. Anyway I was feeling REALLY sleepy. So I went back to catch a wink. And I heard the door open. I jumped out of bed and pretended as though I was awake long ago [Laughs!]. In my room, my heart was racing. I paced up and down the room. I panicked when my Mum was just about to leave the house. I have no time to spare! My legs took over my mind and I went up to her and gave her The Hug. Tears welled up the moment I hugged her and everything just made sense from that moment. The Hug unwinds the past 13 years, literally! It felt like we travelled back time and I felt like a mummy’s little girl againJ
To be honest, after the hug, i was a little lost at one point. Like what’s next? The feeling of having my mummy back was so good i didn’t want to stop there. [It may sound exaggerating to you, it really felt like I found my mummy back after getting lost and detached over the past 10 over years.] I could finally be my mummy’s silly little girl again and I love that so much! So this is what I did, I met up with my mummy after her work for dinner.
As I am typing this, we are into 4th day and life has been amazing ever since! I learnt things about my Mum that I never used to know, which makes me appreciate her so much better than before.
So maybe I will share more here about how great life has been for my Mum and myself.
Guess what? My mum became my BFF (Best Friend Forever) and my confidant. Prior to this, I could never relate when someone says their Mum is their BFF/confidant but now I could truly appreciate that.
Today I was feeling a little overwhelmed by some issues I was facing. Spending the day with my mummy dearest was ‘therapeutic’J I woke up at 0730hrs in the morning and accompanied her to the polyclinic for her routine medical examination. I was glad I could be there with her; helping her with all the communication etc. [My Mum could only understand and speak very fundamental English. My Mum was telling me about this other time she went to CPF Board all by herself and how difficult it was for her when she couldn’t converse well in English. Hearing that makes me so guilty and ashamed of myself.]
Anyway, while waiting for our turn, we were enjoying each other’s company so much the wait didn’t even feel long! My Mum loves to take photos. So I began sharing with my Mum on some photo editing apps on Android and taught her how to use it. She told me she loved it and was so excited trying it out on various photos! If you ask me, I could never do that in the past. The moment my Mum asked me questions/ seek help, I get very frustrated. On good days I will answer her with an impatient tone [Can you imagine?!!], on bad days I simply brushed her off and get her to ask my brother instead [Seriously?!]. And if you think I wasn’t appreciative, you are so wrong. I was aware of all that my Mum has done for me over the years [SWISH 26 would know as I shared some parts of it during one of the Gratitude sharing session] and she meant so much to me. However, part of me just couldn’t let go of that one incident at the back of my mind.
Coming back, I accompanied her for the blood test, fixed the next appointment and here comes the best part, I foot the medical bill for my Mum. At that very instance, I could finally feel myself taking up the responsibility as her daughter. I can’t believe I didn’t do this until today and all along she was left alone to handle all these by herself. She must have felt very lonely that no one was there for her. Thereafter, we had a nice breakfast, went grocery shopping [her company was what makes it wonderful. Trust me, I was never a morning person and I never like the wet market.]
Back in the lift, mummy dearest asked me this question, “Aren’t you meeting JH [my fiancé] today?” I replied no. She asked me why so. I told her I have things to do. She asked me why didn’t I sleep in later so that I would have energy later in the afternoon to finish up my stuff. My ego consumed me at that moment again. I didn’t want to tear again. So this was what I told her, “I didn’t want to waste my morning sleepingJ” But the truth is, I didn’t want to be anywhere else. I just want to be there, right next to my Mum. I wouldn’t have exchanged those precious moments for anything else.
At night I was feeling kind of lost as I was still fretting over some issues that have been bugging me for days. I sat on the sofa, right next to mummy dearest. Lying next to her watching TV was simply comforting and gave mi strength♥ That is the lifetime privilege of a Mummy Little Girl for youJ
So what was the change?
Let me find the best way to share this. Maybe I will start with my train of thoughts.
In the past, I was a selfish girl living in denial, in self-pittance. I don’t live for anyone else, but myself. After I made the effort to communicate with mummy dearest, I came to realize what I have been through, what I though was hardship was just peanuts! My mum has been through so much more in life, the intensity was 100000 times of mine! Till now, I still couldn’t forget the teary journey home [on the very night I met my Mum for dinner after The Hug in the morning]. I just couldn’t bear the thought that my Mum actually went through those painful moments in her life and suffered in silence [honestly I would not have survived those alone!].To think I didn’t even know about it!
I was really touched by my Mum’s unconditional love for the family. I could never recover those lost days [years actually]. Right now, I just want to love my Mum with all my life and do whatever I could for her.
Making a big life change is pretty scary.
But you know what’s even scarier?
Here’s an excerpt I took from the Book I am currently reading: The Follow Through Factor. I thought it would be appropriate to share in this context.
The worst thing that happened to those who fall short in following through their dreams is nothing, Life goes on as it is. Nothing happens. That’s the tragedy of matter.
It’s true. Life goes on that day even if Cayden hasn’t put me through the Belief test. I might have felt something is missing [and I would never find out what the missing piece was] but life goes on for me and I will continue living the way I have been living for the past 13 years.
Food for thought,
What was the ONE thing you always wanted to do but just haven’t got down to doing it?
With that, here’s a picture of mummy dearest and myself ♥♥
This particular picture is meaningful to me as it was taken on the night, after the Hug on 21 Aug 2013
NLP Batch Swish 26
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