How to identify and avoid second-hand stress from others?

Posted by on Jun 6, 2014 in NLP Success & Life Tips | 0 comments

Hi friends,

Second-hand stress happens subconsciously in our daily lives. It can easily influence by other stressed people just like you having a common cold. In this post, you will learn how to spot second-hand stress and avoid the unnecessary stress.



But we can learn how to identify second-hand stress and not sink into it. 

Identify 1: Identify the negative people in your life

It’s usually emitted by those people closest to you, in terms of relationships and time spent together. Thus, it tends to be your spouse/partner, children, work colleagues and supervisors and anyone else you spend a lot of time with, such as close friends or even neighbours. The more empathetic a person is, the more likely they will suffer second-hand stress.



Identify 2: Recognize the situations in which second-hand stress can occur.

There are lots of times when you can unconsciously take on board another’s stress. Example:

A colleague, boss or client pressures you about a deadline that he or she perceives as urgent. You don’t believe it to be as urgent as this person insists but by the time you’ve heard his or her stress about it, you’ve joined the club.



After identifying the second-hand stress, we need to know how to avoid it. The following are the solutions that may help you to release unnecessary stress.

Solution 1: Take charge of your own emotions


Once you can recognize the times in your life when stress seems to be catching, you can begin to stop yourself from falling victim to absorbing other people’s stress.

Notice yourself mimicking stressful stances, attitudes and body language. Are you scrunching up your shoulders just like the stressful colleague? Are you screwing up your forehead with worry just like your spouse? Take a moment to notice how tense your body is and make a conscious choice to relax every part of it and shake off those negative vibes.
Solution 2: Be an atmosphere change

  • If it’s someone complaining about things, tell them something positive about themselves or the situation.
  • If they’re worried about meeting a deadline, suggest spending time together to plot out a way to reassure the worrier. You could offer to show this person how you prioritize pressing tasks.

Solution 3: Acknowledge and accept what you can’t change

  • You won’t always be able to put a positive shine on a situation or personal issue and you won’t always be able/want to be out of the presence of a stressful person or situation. In this case, you’ll need to armor yourself mentally and be prepared to remain positive and to not allow the stressful person’s outlook to color yours.
  • Stop trying to protect and comfort someone who is a source of stress when this increases your own stress. Sometimes you’ll need to call it like it is, as it’s quite possible the person bringing the stress home from work or spreading it around work, doesn’t even realize the impact that he or she is having on others. Tell the person in question about the impact his or her stress is having on you. Use “I” statements but don’t avoid it; the other person needs to understand how harmful this has become to you.

Prioritize your tasks and get it rolling ~ Have a great weekend ahead.

Do you want to know more about how NLP can transform your life and others around you? CLICK on this link – Free NLP Workshop.


Programme Manager,

Mind Kinesis Management International & Mind Kinesis Investments Pte Ltd


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Posted by on Oct 5, 2011 in Inspirational Stories, NLP Success & Life Tips | 2 comments

Dear Friends

I was sitting calmly in a small waiting area in National Cancer Centre for my CT Scan in a blue robe given by the centre. There was an elderly man around 55+ and an elderly woman about the same age waiting there too. The woman started to talk and asked the man what cancer he had. The man replied that he has bladder cancer and how the cancer has affected his life. Suddenly, he stood up and lifted his robe to reveal what’s inside. Both of us were shocked. He showed us his external “bladder”, a plastic looking bag where his urine was stored. He then shared that he could not pee and has to empty this bag every time it’s full. He then continued to share how his life was affected by Bladder Cancer. The woman then turned to me and asked me what cancer I have. I told her Kidney Cancer and I am here to do my regular CT Scan. I shared my case briefly while both the man and the woman listened attentively. After listening to me, the woman asked both of us this question – “Why must there be Cancer in this world?”. There was nothing but silence. I then asked her what condition was she suffering from. She replied: “I have Bone Cancer”. She paused for a short while and she continued: “And it’s terminal”. She continued to share how her legs started to become weak and right now, it’s completely numb. It’s like walking on 2 wooden legs, with no sensation at all. While listening to her story, I started to get emotional and the nurse broke my state by calling out my name. I was next to do the CT Scan. I walked into the cold looking room, lied on the bed as instructed by the Radiologist and a fluid was injected into my body. It felt cold at first at the location where they injected the fluid but the hot sensation starts to move up to my head and slowly down to my whole body. The bed with me on it was then moved into a huge cylinder where I could hear a noise that sounds like a spinning motor. My mind wasn’t there. I was still affected by the elderly woman’s story and you know what ?

Have you ever been affected by what people said about you, how you looked like, how you behave and so on? I sure do. When I was in high school and JC, I remembered I was being labelled with negative remarks such as “Skinny”, “Skeletor (an evil character in the cartoon ‘He-Man’,  “Slow Learner”, “Ugly” by some class-mates. Initially, it started as a joke but somehow it slowly dawn on me that I was affected by these negative remarks. The more the labels were pasted on me, the more I believed they were true. That really affected me and my self-esteem. It went into a negative cycle. My grades fell when I was in JC and I went into bad company. What happened next? Read more at

Years have passed. Now, I have a beautiful & happy family, I run my own company & I am finacially free, and I have a huge number of wonderful and positive friends. As I looked back, those negative remarks and criticism were the best things that have ever happened in my life. Throughout this years, these negative remarks serve as a positive driving force. It made me more hungry, more driven to prove that all things are possible. It makes me realised that it’s our life that we are living, not others. What others say or label is immaterial because we should live our life based on our own expectation and beliefs, NOT other people’s beliefs. If we do not accept what they say, then we will not be affected by them. Do you have such people around you? If you do, let me share with you 2 questions that you may ask yourself – “Are these people important in your life?”, “If not, why do you allow the remarks of such unimportant people affect you?”. Well, I recalled recently when I was attending a training, a classmate asked me this question sarcastically “Are you Hyper?” after an activity. I kept quiet. The question reminded me of 2 things:

1) How one of my NLP Graduates’ son who has ADHD was being laughed at for being too active (they labelled his son as “Hyper”)

2) The negative remarks that I have received during my younger days.

Do I care about the “Hyper” remarks? I DON”T. Did I learnt something? I DID! Get rid of ALL negative people in your life and surround yourself with positive and supportive people. If they are unimportant, keep it that way which reminded me of what Steve Jobs said in his year 2005 Commencement Speech in Stanford University – “Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.” Unfortunately, I got to hear a piece of sad news that Steve Jobs has passed away. I read an article about him and there is this quote: “Being the richest man in the cemetery doesn’t matter to me … Going to bed at night saying we’ve done something wonderful … that’s what matters to me.” ~ Steve Jobs. My Heart mourns for him and he continues to live in my heart.

I went back to National Cancer Centre again last month ……… to collect my CT Scan Result which was done in August. It showed NEGATIVE in the test results, which means POSITIVE in my life – I get to LIVE ……. AGAIN. Life goes on for me, enjoying every moment of it. If there are any NEGATIVE moments or people in your life, you can be sure that they are there to teach you something POSITIVE!

“Stay Hungry, Stay Foolish” ~ Steve Jobs.

Chat with me by attending our Free NLP Workshop.

Have a GREAT Week ahead!

Cayden Chang
Founder & Director, Mind Kinesis Management International
BSc(Hons), MSc
Lifelong Learner Award 2008 Honouree
Co-author, “Do You Have What It Takes To Be BOSS?”
Join our Fan Page on Facebook at & WIN a copy of my latest book!

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Posted by on Dec 2, 2010 in Inspirational Stories, NLP Success & Life Tips | 0 comments

Dear Friends

I have lost count of the number of workshops that I have conducted and the number of people that I have trained – simply too many. My schedule is already booked all the way until June 2011 and the planning of my goal is up to Dec 2011.

I can still remembered when I first quitted from my last job to start my company, all my colleagues were wondering why am I so silly to quit from a designation of Assistant Vice President, drawing a fantastic salary, to start a business from  ground zero? This is because ……..

Have you ever had a dream? A dream to live life the way you wanted. A dream to do something that you love such that you don’t have to work a single day again. A dream where you are finacially free such that money comes straight into your pocket without working for it. I am sure you have at least one of these dreams.I did come across this quote ‘Many have dreams. But few lived their dreams’.  But why not many lived their dreams? There are many reasons.

One of them I consistently asked trainees is ‘On a scale of 1 – 10, what is the score that you believed in your dreams? 1 is where you absolutely don’t believe and 10 is a absolutely believe’. What will be your score? Before you tell me what is your score, ask yourself this question – will you do something that you BELIEVE or something that you DON’T BELIEVE?’. The answer is obvious. Something that we believed in. So do you know why many people don’t lived their dreams? They know what they are, they can put them into words, but many simply don’t believed that it can happen. If they don’t believed, they simply won’t do anything about it. If they don’t do anything about it, they are ABSOLUTELY RIGHT – it didn’t happen. It became a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Let me share with you what I believed, and because of that, I took MASSIVE ACTION to make my little dreams come true. Some of them include:

1) Writing & publishing my 1st book – the best part is that I donate all sales proceeds to Straits Times Pocket Fund

2) Starting my ‘Mind Kinesis Value Investing Academy’ at in addition my NLP Academy.

3) Started buying landed properties in United States as an additional source of passive income in addition to my stock investment. This is a unit in Rochester, Monroe, New York 14605.

…. and many more.

Is it all about money and career? Of course NOT. It’s about living the life to the fullest. After my ordeal with Renal Cancer, all the above is just to show that when one STRONGLY BELIEVES in something, one will MAKE IT HAPPEN.

So do you believe in your dreams and most imporantly, yourself?

Let me share with you how you can live a happy life while making your dreams come true by attending our Free NLP Workshop NOW!

Check out what they say about my NLP training.

Cayden Chang
Founder & Director, Mind Kinesis Management International
BSc(Hons), MSc
Lifelong Learner Award 2008 Honouree
Co-author, “Do You Have What It Takes To Be BOSS?”

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Posted by on Nov 17, 2010 in Inspirational Stories | 0 comments

Hi Friends

I had a wonderful and busy last week in which I spent most of time doing what I love to do – TRAINING.

Just to share that last Saturday and Sunday, I was conducting the one and probably the only Mandarin NLP Training in Singapore and one of the trainee in whom I addressed as Uncle Wang was the oldest trainee that I have ever trained. He was 73 years old. The positive takeaway for me was that this uncle participated 100% in the training whether it’s just lectures or experiential activities. Despite his age, he reminded me that if we aged, we should continuously learn and really live life to the fullest. When we were sharing what were our dreams, he shared something that we probably take things for granted – he just wanted to see properly again with his hands and legs able to sustain him for the rest of his years. As you are reading this, I am sure that your pair of eyes, hands and legs are functioning properly. Well, not for Uncle Wang. 

During my training, I shared the story of how I was diagnosed with renal cancer and how I was fortunate enough to survive the disease. You know what? During the tea-break of our training, he went over to Popular Bookstore and bought me a Chinese book about Free Radicals (See photo below with the copy of book that he gave me). It’s hard to described how happy I felt when Uncle Wang did that. Previously, when I was conducting my ‘maiden’ training right after my surgery, it was so painful at my wound that I have to speak with my left hand pressing against the surgery wound. One trainee by the name of Janet Chew, took off during tea-break and came back with a surgical belt that I can wear to reduce the pain. When she handled it to me, she said ‘This is to bless you!’. I am blessed!

The journey of starting and sustaining a training business wasn’t easy, but I am glad that we are constantly growing with wonderful people supporting me, especially my family. Spare some time, sit down quietly, and ask yourself this question: “Who are the 3 people that you are most grateful to in your life?”. Well ………..

Have a great week!

Let me share with you how you can live a happy life while making your dreams come true by attending our Free NLP Workshop NOW!

Check out what they say about my NLP training.

Cayden Chang
Founder & Director, Mind Kinesis Management International
BSc(Hons), MSc
Lifelong Learner Award 2008 Honouree
Co-author, “Do You Have What It Takes To Be BOSS?”

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Posted by on Oct 23, 2010 in Inspirational Stories, NLP Success & Life Tips, Self Improvement | 0 comments

Hi Friends

It was a crazy, busy and fulfilling week.  So much to do and I had great fun!

The best day for this week was on Thursday when I conducted a workshop to the Top 100 Insurance advisors from AIA Changi. The audience were simply AWESOME! After the workshop, all my books were snapped up instantly and those people who bought it queued up for my signature. I should have brought more books 😛 The best part was that I met 2 of high school class mates (see photo below – Share Ling on extreme left, Jenny on the left) and they supported my cause for the Straits Times School Pocket Money Fund by buying many copies of my book. GREAT!

Well, the next meaningful event was that I have conducted a ‘How to Stay Positive and Overcome Challenges in Life’ Workshop to the low-income families who are beneficiaries of Ang Mo Kio Family Service Centre. It’s the first time that they are running a motivational workshop and the audience simply love it. Some were queuing up to take photos with me while some wanted my autograph for the book. It was a fulfiling and meaningful Saturday! Special thanks to the Esther Goh, the Social Worker (see photo below), who has invited me to help their clients.

My next Social and Cultural Goal will be to help the Children Cancer Foundation in Jan 2011. If you have read my previous blog where I am a kidney cancer survivior, you will know why am I helping these children.

Before I end this blog post, I have a few questions for you. Do you know what are you going to do tomorrow, next week, next month, next year and how is it related to your end-point in life? Most of the people who came for my workshops can’t answer these questions. This is not the sad part, the sad part is that most people talk about wanting to change but few are committed tio working hard to create that change. 10 years down the road, who will achieve more in life – those that are still talking about it, worse still, procrastinating,  or those that constantly take action and moving forward?

Which side of the fence are you on?

Have a great weekend!

Let me share with you how you make your dreams come true by attending our Free NLP Workshop NOW!

Check out what they say about my NLP training.

Cayden Chang
Founder & Director
BSc(Hons), MSc
Lifelong Learner Award 2008 Honouree
Co-author, “Do You Have What It Takes To Be BOSS?”

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